..Laugher, the best medicine..

[ian Stanbury]

GORDON BROWN was visiting a Scottish primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mr. Brown if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.
So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy'.
A little boy stood up and offered, “If ma best freen, wha’ lives on a
ferm, is playin' in the field and a tractor rins ower him and kills
him, that wid be a tragedy.”
“Incorrect”, said Gordon, in his best trying-not-to-sound-too-Scottish-accent,
“That would be an accident.”
A little girl raised her hand, “If a school bus kerryin' fifty children
drove ow’r a cliff, killing a'body inside, that wid be a tragedy”
'I'm afraid not', explained Gordon, “that's what we would refer to as
a great loss'' .
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Gordon searched the room.
“Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally, at the back of the room, a wee lad raised his hand and, in a quiet voice, said:
“If a plane kerryin' you and Mr. Darlin' wiz struck by a 'freendly
fire' missile & blawn tae smithereens, that wid be a tragedy.”
“Fantastic!”, exclaimed Gordon, “and can you tell me why
that would be a tragedy?”
“Weel”, says the lad, “it has tae be a tragedy,
because it certainly widnae be a great loss,
and it probably widnae be a f*cking accident either!”

 

[pepper]

Thats funny!

 

[Bobble]

my wife thought that was very funny, she's Scottish by the way and yes we could all do with a bit more laughter in our lives.

 

[ian Stanbury]

..And another gem to lighten your glooomy day Team..

...A blonde was sent on her way to heaven. Upon her arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.

'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'but heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an entrance exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of heavenly arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the entrance exam consist of?

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the blonde.

The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T? The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year?' The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?' Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same). The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

The blonde said, 'Today and tomorrow.'

St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?' St Peter went on, 'How many seconds in a year?'

The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'

'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'

'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'

'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'

'It's Andy.'

'Andy??'

'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde.

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'

'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his billy boiled.'

And the blonde entered Heaven....